Wahoo!!!

Numbers look great!  No more injections!! Almost off everything, numbers went up even though meds were decreased!
 An other test Friday...

Yay!

Today was a GREAT day! All of the pain is almost gone after three days of icing,  I even got to sleep on my back last night. 
After my freak out yesterday I woke up less anxious today. Thankfully!  After a couple easy hours at work I  had my first appointment at obstetrix. I love it there! After I filled out a million pages of paper work, I had my ultrasound. Both babies measured right on, their heart beats were both 177 and they are starting to look like babies now. You could see the line of the head and starting of the hands and feet. Its so amazing how fast it goes. If they are in perfect position we could know the sex already in three weeks!! Crazy! Also the separation sac was gone! Phew!!
After the ultrasound one of the doctors came in to talk to me. The doctors have agreed that I need a circlage (stitches ) so surgery will be June 30th, I have to be there at 9am and I wont get to leave until 5pm. I have to take a week off work and ill be spending July 4th on the couch. She said its extremely painful for a few days.
After I met with the doctor I met with my nurse practitioner,  and she is great!  We talked for hours and went over anything and everything, had an exam and after 3 hours my first appointment was over, and i feel good about the future, not to say im not going to freak out occasionally, but im in good hands and I trust this is the plan....

I find myself worrying, a lot.  Its been a fairly stressful beginning. When I tell people that, they stress me out about stressing out. And like a friend who experienced the same thing as I did,  told me yesterday until they've been in my shoes they don't know what im going though. To be honest I am scared shitless. I find that every time im coming up on an ultrasound I worry more, I guess I am subconsciously protecting myself because I know I could find out anything.  Im scared im going to miss carry and maybe because that's how I could loose them at this point. The thing about that, that bothers me most is when I was pregnant with the boys I worried about blood and one day there was blood, towards the end I worried about miss carrying, even though i told myself at 20+ weeks you dont loose them they are there and just need to finish growing and one day they were gone. Yes im a natural Worrier but did and do I subconsciously know? Friends who have been through loss told me when you've experienced loosing children being pregnant isn't fun its just hurdles,  I thought they were crazy, I believed if I could just get pregnant again ill be fine. Well i am truly thankful beyond belief but I cannot wait until December is here and these babies are here and healthy.
It was a kind of stressful few days. Im not sure what happened but sometime around Saturday afternoon the lumps turned to rocks I was so miserable from the pain it was unreal. Sunday we had a blood test and went to bruch I practically begged a nurse to take me off and my numbers were good enough go skip a day, at brunch I was in so much pain and so sick I just really wanted to cry. I spent the rest of the day on the couch with heat and tylenol. I was told it was safe to use this natural pain reliver gel from whole foods, which I've been putting on the lumps,  and it actually gave me relief, although brief ill take what I can get! Its just topical,  I would never put anything in my body! Well I took tylenol, put in on and started sweating. I grabbed my phone and start googling. Sure enough almost everything says not to use it when your pregnant. Of course I FREAKED out, i emailed my nurse ( you know they can't wait to get rid of me) text my aunt and googled some more for anything to put my mind at ease. When I talked to the nurse the next day she said don't worry that I had used it,  just to stop now, and not to stress. Um yeah not stress, if my numbers are actually good, then there is a seperation sac, if the babies are good my numbers drop, or im in pain, or using unsafe products or doing acrobatics trying to switch from side to side sand avoiding the rocks in my back or pulling ab muscles... with all that said my numbers dropped again and im on injections the rest of the week, at least. To give the placentas more time to take over. I freaked out about that too and emailed again. She said even though they dropped a bit, they are still normal and she doesn't expect them to drop again... im very anxious to go tomorrow,  im glad its 2 hours I have 1 million questions for my poor new doctor! 
I realize that this is in gods hands, and out of mine but im trying to do everything in my power, I just so badly want it to work out perfectly.

Oh yeah and I had a nurse call the other day about my apt tomorrow and I asked her for advise on healing the rocks, that tylenol and heat were not helping,  she proceeded to tell me heat can make it worse and she has had patients say it lasted up to a year! How many nurses told me heat! Seriously?? That night I came home and decided to ice it, at lease if it was numb I wouldn't feel it. And its helping!  Im doing it every night and its much better I even laid on my back for a few minutes last night! It can only get better! Last night I even felt ok to eat dinner,  which I was thankful for I got to see my parents. (Mom had to do my shot in the restaurant bathroom ) but im not going to lie when im sick I want to feel good, when I feel good I worry why!! Gees im a mess! I guess at this point all I can do is hope and pray.

8 weeks

Today is 8 weeks!  carbs seem to be the thing i can eat still, and ive descovered water tastes best with ice and a straw.
I Had an other very rough night but the good news is I get to skip my injection tonight!  Im so glad, im not sure what changed but I have been in the worst pain ever,  the last 3 days.  Its like all of the oil that is still in there has coagulated and make a huge lump the length of the muscle and is hard as a rock, I can't sit stand sleep I've tried tylenol, ice,  heat... nothing. My body is just done, and I think the intensified nausea is from the pain. Im so thankful to be in the home stretch and this pregnancy will be so much more enjoyable.
We did tummy pictures today and I was pretty suprised how much my tummy grew since 4 weeks pics!!
Cannot wait until Friday! Hopefully with any luck ill be off all meds by then too!

Blaah

I assumed the further I got the better id feel. Not so much! I even puked this morning,  im not looking forward to going to work today. (Please do not let me get sick at work!!)
I fought hard to feel like this :)  its a good sign! I just hope I can make it through the day!!

Rough nights

The last two nights have been so rough. Wednesday night I was really crampy all night, every time I moved  I kept telling myself everythings ok. I was in so much pain from the injection I just couldn't sleep. When I stood up my overies pinched so hard I doubled over, yesterday was just an off day I just never felt good and I was pretty sure I was going to throw up at work I'm so glad I didn't. Then last night the injection, OMG! Hurt so bad going in it was like I could feel it in the muscles all the way down my leg. At midnight I was walking around the house, I was in such excruciating pain I didn't know what to do with myself. I had shooting pains going down my leg , it was awful between that and trying so hard not to throw up it was a long rough night! Good news my nurse  is lowering the injections to half starting tonight and hopefully I'll be able to get off of it asap!
This weekend ill be 8 weeks, I am so thankful every time another week is down!
Im excited for my appointment next Friday, seeing them again and ill get to hear the heartbeats too!

Blood levels

Lab results came back great, phew! Reducing a little more starting Saturday. Of course not the shots yet boo :(
oh well in the home stretch at least!
I was relieved to hear that everything is good because I feel crampy today but she said its good its just the uterus stretching and growing.