I find myself worrying, a lot.  Its been a fairly stressful beginning. When I tell people that, they stress me out about stressing out. And like a friend who experienced the same thing as I did,  told me yesterday until they've been in my shoes they don't know what im going though. To be honest I am scared shitless. I find that every time im coming up on an ultrasound I worry more, I guess I am subconsciously protecting myself because I know I could find out anything.  Im scared im going to miss carry and maybe because that's how I could loose them at this point. The thing about that, that bothers me most is when I was pregnant with the boys I worried about blood and one day there was blood, towards the end I worried about miss carrying, even though i told myself at 20+ weeks you dont loose them they are there and just need to finish growing and one day they were gone. Yes im a natural Worrier but did and do I subconsciously know? Friends who have been through loss told me when you've experienced loosing children being pregnant isn't fun its just hurdles,  I thought they were crazy, I believed if I could just get pregnant again ill be fine. Well i am truly thankful beyond belief but I cannot wait until December is here and these babies are here and healthy.
It was a kind of stressful few days. Im not sure what happened but sometime around Saturday afternoon the lumps turned to rocks I was so miserable from the pain it was unreal. Sunday we had a blood test and went to bruch I practically begged a nurse to take me off and my numbers were good enough go skip a day, at brunch I was in so much pain and so sick I just really wanted to cry. I spent the rest of the day on the couch with heat and tylenol. I was told it was safe to use this natural pain reliver gel from whole foods, which I've been putting on the lumps,  and it actually gave me relief, although brief ill take what I can get! Its just topical,  I would never put anything in my body! Well I took tylenol, put in on and started sweating. I grabbed my phone and start googling. Sure enough almost everything says not to use it when your pregnant. Of course I FREAKED out, i emailed my nurse ( you know they can't wait to get rid of me) text my aunt and googled some more for anything to put my mind at ease. When I talked to the nurse the next day she said don't worry that I had used it,  just to stop now, and not to stress. Um yeah not stress, if my numbers are actually good, then there is a seperation sac, if the babies are good my numbers drop, or im in pain, or using unsafe products or doing acrobatics trying to switch from side to side sand avoiding the rocks in my back or pulling ab muscles... with all that said my numbers dropped again and im on injections the rest of the week, at least. To give the placentas more time to take over. I freaked out about that too and emailed again. She said even though they dropped a bit, they are still normal and she doesn't expect them to drop again... im very anxious to go tomorrow,  im glad its 2 hours I have 1 million questions for my poor new doctor! 
I realize that this is in gods hands, and out of mine but im trying to do everything in my power, I just so badly want it to work out perfectly.

Oh yeah and I had a nurse call the other day about my apt tomorrow and I asked her for advise on healing the rocks, that tylenol and heat were not helping,  she proceeded to tell me heat can make it worse and she has had patients say it lasted up to a year! How many nurses told me heat! Seriously?? That night I came home and decided to ice it, at lease if it was numb I wouldn't feel it. And its helping!  Im doing it every night and its much better I even laid on my back for a few minutes last night! It can only get better! Last night I even felt ok to eat dinner,  which I was thankful for I got to see my parents. (Mom had to do my shot in the restaurant bathroom ) but im not going to lie when im sick I want to feel good, when I feel good I worry why!! Gees im a mess! I guess at this point all I can do is hope and pray.